it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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