I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
