i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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