Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
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I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize