We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
