oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Who did Billy Mays play for?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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