I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
