Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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