NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
