BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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