I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
