thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
