I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
false alarm, still single
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