why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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