This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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