as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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