Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
