Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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