If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
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thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
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I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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