dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
