also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
