i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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