Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
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why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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