I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
