just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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