You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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