How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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