Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
