My nipple is on Facebook.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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