the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
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I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
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I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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