I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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