the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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