Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
