he told me I talked like a deaf person
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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