Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
