Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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