took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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