i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
