i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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