Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
