bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
