did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
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I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
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While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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