I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
