Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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