Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
