i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
