There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
