He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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