i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
