Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
