I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
