aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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