Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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