I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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