Whod you bang
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
