i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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