Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
