Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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