Will you blow on my dice?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Dear god my vagina.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
