There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
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You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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