I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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