Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
