I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
