the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
