k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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