somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Sober January is a disaster.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
